NOT YOUR FATHER CHRISTMAS POEMS (#1)
Christmas
I've been getting ready for Christmas
I'm revving up for the great day
my credit card's cracked and my freezer is packed
'cause I started my shopping in May
The mistletoe's hanging in bunches
'cause the odd Christmas kiss isn't wrong
and the Vicar I've found - quite likes calling round
and exploring my crowns with his tongue
The bin men have gotten quite friendly
they're after a present I fear
they won't feel so chuffed when I tell them - get stuffed
'cause they don't speak the rest of the year
The family is coming for dinner
last year it was quite a good laugh
we ate fairly late - dished the veg on the plate
found the turkey was still in the bath
the Kids are all pink with excitement
'cause Santa will come so they say
their lists are extensive - extremely expensive
and they'll break it all by Boxing day
But it's worth all that fuss Christmas morning
when their little eyes are all aglow
when we're all feeling merry full of goodwill and sherry
and suffering from wind Ho Ho Ho
But please don't forget why we do it
why each year we must go to this fuss
for that guy up above who brought peace and brought love
and who probably owns Toys R Us..........
Liz Garrad
NOT YOUR FATHER CHRISTMAS POEMS (#2)
At Christmas Time
At Xmas time when we were kids,
we were bloody poor,
and Santa weren't too generous
when he knocked upon our door
But we made do by saving up,
yes every little bit
"We may be poor" said dear old Dad,
"but I dont give a shit!"
Our Xmas tree stood tall & proud
and rigid as a totem,
With Xmas baubles hangin' there.....
like testies in ya scrotum!
Everyone loved Xmas dinner,
no if's, and's or but's,
and all us kids would piss ourselves
when Grandpa dropped his guts.
We'd leave a six pack for Santa
and he always drank it quick,
then I found out it was just me Dad,
the alcoholic prick!
But all in all we had fun,
and lot & lots of cheer,
Now I can't wait till I've got kids....
cause I'll get a carton of beer!
Bruce Thompson
NOT YOUR FATHER CHRISTMAS POEMS (#3)
A Letter to Rudolph
Dear Husband, It is time that I must have my say,
I've taken your shit day after day.
I've kept the home peaceful year after year
Now there is going to be changes, so listen my dear.
So you're famous, everyone knows your name,
And you're a specialist by gum, in the transport game,
You think you're so grand with your important job.
But I'm telling you my dear you're a worn out old yob
363 days a year,
You sit on your arse drinking scotch, rum and beer,
You claim it is to keep up the shine on your nose
So Santa can see where he bloodywell goes.
One night a year is all that you work,
You and your eight reisty mates - they're all jerks.
Dasher and Dancer - Speed freaks I say,
The sleigh wouldn't go that quick any other way.
Prancer and Vixen - Just cheap little tarts,
But they look like angels once Comet starts.
Cupids on some freaked out damned power trip,
And Donner...well, she should just get a damned grip
And Blitzen, I almost don't need to say,
Is here getting blitzed with you every day.
All of these years at the front of the sled,
Has gone, I'm afraid, to your crusty old head.
You're a layabout and a drunkard, with a big shiny nose,
And a weakness for elves in black pantyhose.
I'm telling you husband that one Christmas song,
Has made you think that you can do no wrong.
So this year while your out with old Santa's sled,
I am eloping, my dear, with your friend - Mr. Ed
Denise Hobbs
8 MOUNTAIN TOP VIEWS
The best view in the world is a view from the top. For some reason, having a wide and open view relaxes the mind and feeds your soul. These 8 stunning photos were taken from mountain tops from all over the world.
Photo credits: Luis-Carlos, Simon, Chrispz, djwerdna, Brian, Der Ohlsen and Kristijan
